Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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