i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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