You can't motorboat a personality
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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