You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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