Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
