Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
