Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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