No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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