omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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