she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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