M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
