i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
