Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
