We named our party play list daddy issues
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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