I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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