I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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