I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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