it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
