you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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