i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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