Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
