this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
