I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was like eating out sand paper
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
