She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
