I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
