If i come over, it means nothing
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
