i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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