Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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