Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
