Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
