I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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