I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
