Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
