I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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