Ambien. No doubt about it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
