she was so not down for the gang bang
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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