Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
