i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
