Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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