Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
