I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
