Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
