i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
