We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
