I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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