I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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