We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize