i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
