he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just cropdusted the office
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
