i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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