I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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