every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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