We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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