Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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