hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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