I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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