He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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