Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
