Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
