I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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