Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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