I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
