i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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