Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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