Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
