Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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