im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
