About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
