I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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