quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
