dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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