u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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