If i come over, it means nothing
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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