About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
