I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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