There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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