I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
